GAPS is daunting, to say the least, and really that is an understatement. When I first found the diet and read a synopsis my initial reaction was even if I could get a three year old to eat this way, I don’t even think I could manage to make this food! I didn’t know how to cook, not really – not in any traditional sort of way and I was very intimidated by the entire process.
I recognize when clients come to me they are typically at their rock bottom. That’s where I was as well. Raleigh was deteriorating before my eyes. Every day I would look at him and die inside a little more. He was suffering, I was suffering and I was the only person who could do anything to change his situation.
So when we finally jumped in nearly a year later I decided that I would give GAPS the two years Dr. Natasha recommends. I wrote previously about not setting a time limit on healing and you can read that here. I also decided I would show up everyday no matter what was happening, even if I didn’t feel like it, even if Raleigh was struggling, it didn’t matter – I was committed to the task.
The very beginning of GAPS was something of a nightmare. We were already living a health nightmare but this was a whole new beast. In one foul swoop I removed him from his typical diet, placed him on stage 1 of the Introduction diet and cut off all steroid creams. I forced myself to wake well before him so that I could have time to myself, drink some coffee, read my Bible and whatever other health book I was working my way through. I was giving myself an education in nutrition. I couldn’t learn fast enough.
Then, I would wait. I would set up a bowl of water and gauze, long socks and tallow cream and sit in the hallway on the floor outside of Raleigh’s room. I would wait for him to wake. He would always wake up extremely upset because he felt horrible. His skin was on fire. The moment he would come out I would grab him, hug him, strip off his pajamas and night wraps, re lotion him from head-to-toe and repeat with new wraps. If I didn’t do this he would sit on the floor and promptly begin to tear away at his skin until it bled. It was hell.
We would move to some breakfast, which was soup and then some play – hopefully. As the day went on he would typically get 1-2 detox baths. It depended on his level of need and often I would have to re-wrap him after each bath to protect his skin. By the end of the day he would have had multiple wrappings done and redone. I remember thinking every evening as I re-lotioned and re-wrapped him, yet again, in this 30 minute process, just how exhausted I was. I also couldn’t imagine a day that this wouldn’t be my life. It went on for so very long.
I was living in a sort of groundhogs day for what felt like an eternity. There were many sleepless nights due to worry, Raleigh waking and trying to stop him from itching. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t quit – I would often tell myself that I only have today. Today is all I have been promised, so I have to do what I can today. And I did. And one day turned into weeks, into months, and eventually years. And healing came. It snuck up on me as I continued to plod through the valleys of Raleigh’s journey.
I found that focusing too far into the future did not serve me well. I could manage a day. Even if I hadn’t slept, even if I was sick, I could get through a day and so I did. It may not have been the best day but I served Raleigh the food he needed, I gave him detox baths, I sat with him, played with him, cared for him and loved him. I went to bed and got up to do it all over again because it was what I had to do. The biggest blessing of my life came from this daily faithfulness: Raleigh healed.
The journey on GAPS is really beyond words. I have a lot of words but none ever seem adequate enough to define and describe what it was like for us. If you’re about to start, considering it, or in the middle; my best advice is to remember that you only have today. Do what must be done today, make plans for tomorrow, and just keep showing up. Healing will come. Likely, it will sneak up on you in the best most surprising ways. Give yourself to the task, be faithful and healing will come.
You only have today.
Reach out if you need additional support in your journey.
